


Rushing Toward the Fire

by vega_voices



Series: Come Rain, Come Shine [7]
Category: Murphy Brown (TV)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-18
Updated: 2018-07-18
Packaged: 2019-06-12 14:07:07
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,043
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15341472
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/vega_voices/pseuds/vega_voices
Summary: An old warning about moths and flames ran through her mind. But, like the bugs, she didn’t know any better.





	Rushing Toward the Fire

**Title:** Rushing Toward the Fire  
**Author:** vegawriters  
**Fandom:** Murphy Brown  
**Pairing:** Murphy Brown/Jerry Gold  
**Rating:** For mature grownups only  
**Timeframe:** Goldrush (season 3)  
**Disclaimer:** The rules as ever apply: I don’t make a dime from this. I do however make friends while gushing about Candice and Diane and all of the concepts this show created.

 **Summary:** _An old warning about moths and flames ran through her mind. But, like the bugs, she didn’t know any better._

Murphy had to give herself credit, really. She did the mature thing: she defended the network’s right to bring Jerry on, she went about her day with her head held high, and she didn’t put anyone’s face on her dartboard.

But all she could think about was Jerry. Not his politics, not how the show would need to absorb his ideology without endorsing it. But, Jerry. How his fingers always trailed through her hair, tangling right before he kissed her. How his eyes lit up when he knew he had the upper hand in an argument. How he’d looked at her when he walked out her door the last time, their eyes meeting as he tossed his cigarettes into the trash.

He’d left his 30 share show, just like he said he’d wanted to. He’d left it for something serious, just like he said he wanted to. How could she roll her eyes at that? How could she fight it? She hated his politics, hated his way of looking at the world, but he wasn’t an idiot. He had real things to say and he wasn’t always wrong.

One night, he’d spun her around his living room, arguing the finer points of health care, and stunned her silent regarding his opinions about abortion - no, the government shouldn’t have any say in a woman’s right to choose, he’d said. Why should the government care what happens in her bedroom or her doctor’s office? And if insurance plans were actually comprehensive, women could shop for one that would include her reproductive rights.

He’d ignored poor women who couldn’t afford private plans, and griped that the government shouldn’t subsidize those who couldn’t buy birth control, but overall she’d appreciated his sentiment. And on these differences, she realized quickly, it didn’t take much to change his mind. “I lost a couple of friends back in college,” he’d admitted. “Women who were in trouble and if things had been different …so maybe you’re right. But don’t tell anyone I said that.” He shook his head and spun her through another song. In that moment, she’d almost told him her deepest secret, the one no one but her and a doctor she who had been arrested back in 1970 knew. But it was a box in her heart she didn’t dare reveal to anyone lest the secret somehow escape and ruin everything. She’d lost friends too, she revealed, which was true and something they could let filter through the silence. As the song ended, she’d kissed him and the conversation had ended as he drew her toward his bedroom and settled her onto the sheets they’d messed up the night before.

It had taken a year to get over the loss of him. They’d dated for only a couple of weeks and just now she was really moving on. Oh, she’d had one night stands - mostly after event dinners - and the sex had been fun but nothing to build something long-lasting on. It wasn’t just that her work came first and her space was hers to own, but that none of them were the man she was trying to forget. Jerry had dumped her perfectly messy life on its head and given it a good shake and for a couple of weeks, she’d been blissfully happy.

Happy. It wasn’t a term she was used to when it came to her relationships.

She’d always relaxed when he walked through the door. She’d smiled and looked forward to dinners and dancing and long arguments about policy and the political framing of the issue. She’d never minded the sleep she lost while they worshipped each other’s bodies. He got her. He respected her. And his tongue was good for more than bending an argument.

Now he was back. Worse, he was invading her safe space, her show. Back to confuse every sense she had and to destroy her friend’s faith in her ability to read personality and do her job. How they’d responded to him still rankled. Why couldn’t they have tried even a little to see past the bravado? Then again, it wasn’t like she’d trusted him enough to let him try to connect to them either. There were reasons they’d broken up and they were much bigger than personality traits. In the end, they’d both have to sacrifice too much to be together.

Now he was going to be here. Every day. In an office just down the hall. She had a week to get used to the idea that Jerry was going to be around. No big deal. She’d put walls up around her armor in mere seconds. This was going to be fine.

***

  
D-Day.

Well, really, J-Day.

Murphy woke early and took her time choosing the perfect outfit. Something he’d hate. Something that didn’t flatter her figure. Something that she could hide behind. The new purple top from her mother actually did the trick. She slipped it on, matched it to an old pencil skirt, and pulled her hair back in a loose braid. There. Professional and still protective.

She took a breath and sank onto her bed, staring across the room at nothing. This was nuts. How on earth was she going to work with Jerry? She was so tired of putting on a good front. So tired of pretending she didn’t mind their jabs at his character. So tired of pretending he hadn’t left a hole in her heart when he walked out the door. Now she would be the wall between him and her colleagues, and listening to their never ending bashing was going to wear her down.

She had a story to finish and interviews to do today. She had time in editing and three meetings with different producers on different stories in the works. Jerry was an adult. He didn’t need her to run interference. Maybe, just maybe, this would be the chance he needed to show the gang that he was more than loudmouthed, tabloid opinions.

Another deep breath steeled her nerves and she shoved away the aching need for a cigarette. She made her way to the stairs, grabbed the coffee Eldin had brought for her, offered an opinion on the mural he was designing, and headed to her car. She could do this.

She saw his car in the garage and had to give him credit for not stealing her parking place. She’d been ready for it. So, he was on his best behavior. She gathered her bag and headed inside, feeling like every eye was on her even though she knew the only people who cared about Jerry Gold being in the building were up on the seventeenth floor. So she took each step carefully, trying to shake off the nerves. This was silly. She’d worked with exes before. She’d worked with people she was sleeping with before. This was no different.

Inside the elevator, she hit 17 and tried to breathe. This was just another day at work.

But she emerged into the newsroom and there he was, smelling of Old Spice and musk and she could barely breathe. He was looking at her with that familiar heat in his eyes and she’d never been so glad to get a story meeting started.

Jim was pouting and Murphy had about had it. “Jerry’s been hired to do a job,” she said, jumping up. Damnit. This was exactly what she hadn’t wanted to do. He could protect himself. But here she was, defending him.

And then Miles made the smartest decision he’d made in months. Suddenly, she and Jerry were going on air together, to fight out issues of the day. Nose-To-Nose they were calling it.

Didn’t they all realize how terrible this idea was?

***

The car ride to Miles’ after the show went from randomly awkward to jovial as they started to discuss the show, breaking down each and every moment, every argument. He laughed. She had to force herself not to reach out and touch his knee. She watched him grab his own hand back.

Patterns made were hard to break all over again.

Every word brought them close together, into each other’s personal space. He kept his hand on the small of her back as they walked into the party. He grabbed a club soda for her. They settled in chairs just far enough away from each other that they couldn’t touch, but they still commanded the space.

The look in his eyes only intensified.

Jim acknowledged the good work of the segment. Frank did, and then wanted his own moment in the spotlight. Corky just wanted to know what they were talking about. But all Murphy could see was Jerry’s face, how he lit up when she taunted him about the Supreme Court. How he leaned in, grinning, knowing they would make everyone uncomfortable as he lowered his voice and said that arguing in front of 30 million people had given their foreplay a nice little kick. Everyone vanished. They both cracked up.

Oh, she’d missed him.

Suddenly, his hand was covering hers. He was standing next to her chair, looking at her with that expression that always sent her straight into his arms. He nodded his head, barely, toward the bedroom. “Let’s get out of here,” he whispered. “I mean, I have to get you back to your car anyway.”

“Jerry …” Her heart raced. She knew this wasn’t about getting her back to her car. This was ending in one of their beds.

“Let’s grab your coat.” His voice was thick. Wanting.

An old warning about moths and flames ran through her mind. But, like the bugs, she didn’t know any better. She also hadn’t intended to end up on Miles’ bed, one leg hooked over Jerry while his hips pressed against hers. She’d intended to grab her coat. To slip out with him. To do this in the car or his bed or the nearest roadside motel. But he’d closed the door behind him and pulled her into his arms and she just couldn’t stop herself. It had been a year and the more he kissed her the more she realized how much she’d missed him. Only the feel of his hand reaching between them, pushing her skirt up even higher, the press of his erection through his pants, made her realize they needed to stop. By now she was sure they’d been missed - or discovered.

“Jerry,” she groaned. “Please. Let’s go before we can’t.”

“I don’t know if I can …” he moaned, pressing against her again. “Murphy …”

“I’m not having sex on Miles’ bed.” She looked into his eyes and nudged him off of her. “Take me home.”

“Your place or mine?”

“I don’t care. Just take me home.” Her voice was shaking.

He took a deep breath, pushed back to standing, and took her hand. “Okay.”

Outside, the place was silent and Murphy had the grace to feel bad. She’d apologize to Miles tomorrow. Jerry ignited that side of her though, the one who was willing to throw caution to the wind. Around him, her self control always slipped.

They barely made it to his car. His hand stayed between her legs the whole time, gripping her thigh, and she regretted the hose she was wearing.

They ended up at his place, tumbled onto his bed, pulling at clothes and when he rolled off her to grab the condom in his bedside drawer, she let herself stretch out for his eyes, wearing only her jewelry. He grabbed her legs, pulled her hips to the edge of the bed, and sunk into her. They both cried out and Murphy arched toward him, her hands tangling in the bedclothes. God, she’d missed this so much.

“Every week, Brown,” he murmured as he worked his fingers between their bodies, bringing her even closer to the edge. “Every week 30 million people are going to watch us argue and then I will bring you home and …” he groaned, his own climax near.

She shivered and collapsed around him. He followed right after, groaning her name.

“God …” she tried to catch her breath. Jerry pulled out and took care of business before stretching out next to her. She rolled over, ignoring her body’s needs, and pressed herself against him. “What are we going to do about this?”

“Well, no matter what, I think on Wednesday nights, we’re going to end up right here.” He chuckled. “That was intense.”

“I want this to be more than once a week.” She rested her head against his heart, listening to the rhythm. How was his cholesterol now?

“Me too.” He held her tighter as he said it. “I’ve missed you, Murphy.”

“I’ve missed you too.”

Silence. She kissed his chest before pulling away to visit the bathroom. When she emerged, he’d pulled the bed spread down and she curled up in what had been her side of the bed a year ago. “At least we don’t have to hide this time,” he said, chuckling.

“We should at least apologize to Miles.”

Jerry grinned. “Hey, the party was for me. I think I had a good time.” She laughed. He rolled her, his knee gently pushing her legs apart. “You aren’t tired, right, Brown?”

“Dear god, no.” She laughed and fell into the kiss. It was like coming home.

***

The office was awkwardly silent in the morning. Murphy stepped off the elevator, and Frank was waiting at her office door. She handed him his leather jacket and led him inside.

“Really, Murphy?”

She stared at him. “Look …”

“You made a fool of yourself last night. How the hell can Jerry Gold be worth all of that? Is the sex really that good?”

Murphy let the silence linger. Finally, she sat down, crossed her hands over her abdomen, and stared at Frank. Instinct told her to just say yes, to let them assume it was all about the sex. She couldn’t do it. Not this time. “He’s so much more than you guys have ever given him credit for. You know, I’m self-centered, brash, and mock people too. So what does it say that you put up with me but not him?”

“Your politics don’t include the end of the world.”

“And you don’t know that his do either. You don’t know anything about him.” Why was she defending someone they’d never respect?

“I know the two of you had sex on our boss’ bed last night. And that isn’t something you’d ever do. Even when you were drinking.”

The accusation stung. She let it ride. “For your information, we didn’t have sex on Miles’ bed. We stopped ourselves. What do you want from me, Frank? Arguing is a turn on for both of us and we did it last night to a 30 share audience.” They stared at each other. She shrugged. “I don’t care if you approve or not, Frank. The truth is, Jerry and I have something really good together. And if you can’t accept that, then this conversation is done.”

Frank held perfectly still for a long moment and then turned and stormed out of the office. Murphy sighed. She did need to apologize to Miles. Frank didn’t need an apology. She hadn’t ruined his party. With a sigh, she pushed herself up and walked out of her office, through the awkward still of the newsroom, and escaped onto the elevator. Lisa buzzed her through to Miles, and she waited for him to look up at her. When he did, she couldn’t stop from flinching. She could stand up to Frank, but Miles was really hurt.

“Miles, I’m sorry. Jerry and I were out of line last night.”

“You were,” Miles agreed. “The party was for Jerry and you … you could have waited to throw him that kind of a party.” Silence. “I thought you two broke up. You gave this whole song and dance about finally realizing it was over.”

“We did. It was. Last night kind of … pushed us back together again.”

Silence.

“Is this going to impact the show?” Miles’ voice was tight.

Murphy shook her head. “If there’s anything Jerry and I are good at, it’s arguing. And we both have other stories to work on. I mean, we’re giving up our air time for this pet project of yours, but we still have reports to do.”

Miles let out a long sigh. “Okay. I don’t want to see any evidence of this at the office. I mean it. It’s been disruptive enough when he wasn’t working here.”

“Okay.” Murphy nodded. It wasn’t like she wanted to advertise to her less than supportive friends that she and Jerry were back together. Miles was glaring at her. She nodded and stepped back, knowing full well that this conversation wasn’t going anywhere but here. She slipped out silently, fuming at the treatment by her coworkers, but she had in fact almost had sex on her boss’ bed. Even she could understand some lines had been crossed.

Her next stop was Jerry’s office, which was still being unpacked. He looked at her, smiled, and when she shut the door he enveloped her in an embrace that made her forget her name.

“I apologized to Miles,” she said as they broke apart.

“And is little brother going to throw a tantrum about this?”

She ignored the taunting. Right now she didn’t have the energy to get into it. “Yes. But as long as we keep things quiet at the office, we’ll be fine.”

Jerry smirked. “I can be quiet.”

“We have a story meeting in twenty minutes.”

“I can be fast, too.”

She laughed and draped her arms around his neck. “I’m really glad we’re back together.”

“Me too, Brown. I’ve missed the hell out of you.”

She kissed him again and he walked her back, pressing her against the door, hiking her skirt up for better access. “Really …” she moaned. “We’ve got a story meeting.”

“And you aren’t wearing any hose,” he smirked at her, his hand sliding up her thigh. “The best part of this arrangement, Brown, is moments like these. Whenever we want. And they’ve got me back here in this corner of the offices. No one will hear when you scream my name.” He hiked her leg up to his hip and pressed against her center. “I’ve never been able to keep my hands off of you.”

She laughed and pulled her leg tighter around him. “We’re going to the story meeting. And after, we can have lunch. Here. With the door locked.”

“God, I’m going to love working with you.”

Murphy kissed him before pushing away. “I have notes to grab. You,” she smirked at him, “need to catch your breath. And we both need to apologize at the meeting, you know.”

He groaned. “Yeah, I know.” He kissed her and she fell into the moment for just long enough to get them both going. “Murphy …”

“I’ll see you at the meeting.” She escaped from the office before her libido took over. By the time they settled at the table for the story meeting, things were again professional, and she had no problem arguing with him over the finer points of his so called health care story.

***

Unlike last time, this was bliss. They weren’t hiding, weren’t sneaking around corners. They didn’t advertise their relationship, but they also just enjoyed each other. They took walks in the park and made each other laugh and not everything was about an argument. For the first time in a very long time, Murphy found herself in a relationship. They held hands and talked about mundane things besides politics. He made pasta for her, she read to him. They told stories about misbegotten youth and she told him the truth about the 1980 Republican Convention. Lunches were spent in each other’s offices, prepping Nose to Nose segments. Nights were spent teasing each other between murmured gasps and gentle encouragement.

It was the worst mistake they could have made.

***

The show had been, in layman’s terms, an unmitigated disaster. They had to make a choice. They were too close. Too scared to hurt each other. The job or the relationship and they both knew what the answer was.

But then, he surprised her.

“Oh the hell with it, let’s go with the relationship!”

Murphy sat straight up, “Jerry! You’d do that? You’d leave FYI?”

“In a New York Minute,” he quipped. He was serious.

Murphy pushed back the tears at the edges of her eyes. She just took a breath and plunged in, as hopeful in this moment as she’d ever been. Really. They could make this work with each other. They could figure it out. Her friends now at least respected him, even if they didn’t like him. “Well, congratulations, Gold. You’ve finally done it. You’ve left me speechless.”

“Really? Well,” he smirked, “I gotta take advantage of this.”

He did, kissing her with as much passion as he ever had. She fell back under his weight, opening to him, lost in the romance of what he’d sacrificed to see if this crazy love of theirs could work. The phone rang - she knew it was Miles - and she ignored the tone, losing herself in Jerry’s touch. She’d never had anyone sacrifice anything like this for her before. All she wanted to do was spend the night loving him. Showing him how much he meant to her. Because it wasn’t like she’d offered to walk away herself. This was him. It was all him.

But Miles wouldn’t go away and in an instant, she felt every dream she had ripped from her.

Jerry was fired, which was good for them. He had a new offer with the network, which was good for him. But.

“The job …” he paused and she held her breath. “Is in LA.”

Her hopes and dreams imploded in her heart and she tried to catch her breath, tried to show how they could make something long distance work. But he stood there, smiling softly, trying to go along with it. Until reality wouldn’t let the lie continue. They both knew they wouldn’t call every day. They both knew they’d get jealous. They both knew it would explode and take the universe with them.

So, he kissed her one last time and walked out of her life, stumbling over words she knew he was trying to say.

She loved … his shoes … too.

Was it possible to feel this way after less than a month in total spent together? If this relationship were anyone else’s, she’d suggest a therapist and a vibrator. But everything in her felt like she’d been ripped open. Even a hot bath and her favorite pjs couldn’t stop the tears. Clean and simple hurt just as much as long and drawn out.

At least her friends would be happy.

And no one would give a damn. No one would ask if she was okay. They’d throw a party and she’d be sitting there, missing the way Jerry touched her cheek, how he made her coffee in the morning, how he made her more confident and sure. They would crow. She would just have to keep on going. After all, she was Murphy Brown. What did she care about relationships? It was all about the story, the rush of getting it right. Who cared if she was lonely at the end of the night because she had her notebook, her rolodex. They could keep laughing at her inability to keep a man and once she found one, tell her every reason he wasn’t right for her, if they even acknowledged her desire for companionship. And it was okay. Because she was Murphy Brown. She had things to do. She was strong. She’d always be okay.


End file.
